Saturday, May 3, 2008

How to be a mean mom

Someday when my children are old enough to understand the logic that motivates a parent, Iwill tell them, as my Mean Mom told me:
I loved you enough . . . to ask where you weregoing, with whom, and what time you would behome.
I loved you enough to be silent and let youdiscover that your new best friend was a creep.
I loved you enough to make you go pay for thebubble gum you had taken and tell the clerk, "I stole this yesterday and want to pay for it.
"I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours while you cleaned your room, a job thatshould have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger,disappointment , and tears in my eyes. Childrenmust learn that their parents aren't perfect.
I loved you enough to let you assume theresponsibility for your actions even when the penalties were so harsh they almost broke myheart .But most of all, I loved you enough to sayNO when I knew you would hate me for it. Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'mglad I won them, because in the end you won, too. And someday when your children are old enough tounderstand the logic that motivates parents, youwill tell them.
Was your Mom mean? I know mine was.
We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While otherkids ate candy for breakfast, we had to havecereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eatsandwiches . And you can guess our mother fixed usa dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.
Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison.She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would begone for an hour or less.
We were ashamed to admit it, but she had thenerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds,learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry,empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking ofmore things for us to do.She always insisted on us telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers, she could read ourminds and had eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk thehorn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them. While everyoneelse could date when they were 12 or 13, we hadto wait until we were 16.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots ofthings other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizingother's property or ever arrested for any crime.
It was all her fault.Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be meanparents just like Mom was.
I think that is what's wrong with the worldtoday .
It just doesn't have enough mean moms!

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