Thursday, January 18, 2007

Laughing is like inner jogging, time to exercise!!


Just before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and
asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96,"
the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly
worth going home, is it?" 

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being 
104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No  peer pressure."  

The nice thing about being senile is you can
hide your own Easter eggs.  
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass 
surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought 
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't 
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 
different medications that make me dizzy, winded, 
and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. 
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet 
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost 
all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver's license. 

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of 
shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a 
fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take 
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, 
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an 
hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the 
class was over. 
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will 
and told her preacher she had two final requests. 
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she 
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" 
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the 
wrinkles fill out. 
It's scary when you start making the same 
noises as your coffeemaker. 
These days about half the stuff in my shopping 
cart says, "For fast relief." 
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you 
grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. 
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the 
senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, 
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the 
eyesight to tell the difference.

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