I LOVE OLD PEOPLE! =)
Just before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and
asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96,"
the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly
worth going home, is it?"
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing about being
104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can
hide your own Easter eggs.
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I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass
surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought
prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't
hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different medications that make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost
all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of
shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a
fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an
hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will
and told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the
wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same
noises as your coffeemaker.
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These days about half the stuff in my shopping
cart says, "For fast relief."
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Remember: You don't stop laughing because you
grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
_______________________________
--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the
senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the
eyesight to tell the difference.
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